Ketchup Kills Youth

Ello!

If you would have asked me a couple of years ago what three things I most would not want in life the answer would have a receding hairline, a love of KFC and a bottle of Ketchup.
Now the KFC thing was the first to go, I'm not saying its like that scene in Minority Report where Tom Cruise goes jogging to the bad part of town in order to buy space drugs or what ever he was getting (most likely just normal drugs but I'm hoping they were space drugs) but it is not close off. The two times it really hits home is right after any kind of gym visit or after a really bad nights drinking. Logic means I can tame the gym thing but in my weakened state of being hungover I can also almost hear the Zinger burger call to me 'Ohhh Andy, you know you want me, I'll follow you on twitter and watch Doctor Who with you, which is all you ever wanted in a woman' and being the weak man I am it wins. Granted I'm attempting to go cold Turkey which means I'm expecting a dead baby to walk up my wall clinging to a Zinger Box at any moment, but I'm shying away from the point I wanted to make, and that comes with the simple purchase of a bottle of Ketchup.
Ladies and gents lets paint a picture. A tired and sweaty young Mr. Gaffney comes back to his flat after a hard day of doing an easy job which took about an hour and sipping a pint while reading Total Film while dreaming of Alexa Chung running towards him in a corn field only to come back to his flat and find the fridge as empty as a member of the Loose Women's note book on 'How not to be Annoying', so a trip to the shop was needed. When I arrived I didn’t buy my normal Pizza, cheap water and orange juice I normally go for, I felt the need to do a bit more, little did I know that would be start of this whole new feeling. I picked myself up some bread and butter with said orange juice , which took care of the next breakfast but I had came here for Dinner so picked myself up some fish and a few oven chips , not exactly a Kitchen Nightmares make over I know but there is a point to all this. I had everything, I was making my way to the counter but then I thought 'I normally eat spicy wedges and not chips, I better get something to jazz them up' now people who know me will know I like plain food, hella plain, so plain I would ask for plain food paste if I were an Astronaut, but today was different, I was going to buy myself some Ketchup. I made my way to the little bit in the corner of the shop and saw a massive ugly red plastic container , now seeing as I don't run a cafe in Eastenders, I didn’t get that, oh but then I seen it, a Ketchup bottle so perfect I felt like David Bowman. It was a perfectly sized bottle of Heinz, and glass too, it was perfect. Then it hit me, I felt grown up, this isn't some microwaveable chicken curry, this is something that real people with real problems buy, it was glass and it was Ketchup, the back bone of any kitchen sink drama. I could already see myself down the mines, going to football games on a Saturday and dealing with lone sharks. I felt great, that the tiny childish me has gone away for a little while.
Now lets get one thing clear, I still am unrealistically chasing a career by doing an non paying job and sticking to it and have no plans to enter into too much of the real world, but for some reason this fancy glass bottle of Ketchup will always be a little image to me of 'You know what, you've made your bed now time to be a grown up in it'. As for the receding hairline, that’s also on the way to stay...screw this getting older stuff.

Old Habits die Hard.

Ello!,
There is very little point of making another post about changing my ways saying I will post more, because I probably won't but I will try. Its been awful long time since the first video, but there are two more coming, its gonna be the second best series of movies of all time just behind the Emmanuelle movies and just before Star Wars.

This whole looking for a talent thing, well in the past couple of months I did my first stand up , which went mostly well I think and started on a long road on radio, which is an awful lot of fun. Sure does beat working. However this is turning into an actual blog so let me move away from this and just say that for does who care there will be more videos coming.

So what shall we talk about now? Well meeting girls of course.

Seems to me that I'm come across a great way of , dare I say, chatting a lady up. This is by asking simply 'Whats your favorite movie?'.

Now I'm not great with women. I do alright but to quote a friend 'Andy is a midfielder, not a striker or defender', if I do fancy a young lady, i struggle to think of an 'in'. However if low confidence and social awkwardness is my Berlin Wall well then 'Whats your favorite movie?' is my David Hasselhoff.

The key to 'Whats your favorite movie?' is 85% of the time people want to talk about something they love. Just last night a young lady spent a while discussing her favorite scenes from Cool runnings. It also is a great time saver because if when asked about mine and I say "Empire fo' so' " and they reply with 'I hate star wars' I can simply go back to my pint, pretty much a first date in five seconds.

Of course the end goal will always be to find one of these answers 'Empire' 'High Fidelity' 'Jurrasic Park' or 'Im too busy to watch movies, what with running the international fan club for short indie boys who attempt to be funny'. So if I do happen to drunkenly stumble up to you in a bar and ask 'Whats your favorite movie?' and you happen to give one of these answers in my head we will be running towards each other in a corn field while this song plays in my head

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=674PtHca8Kg&feature=related

Thank you

Much love to your peeps

Andy

The search begins

So day one, my wee walk around was lovely and its all captured right here for you in loving montage form, I'm too bloody good to you people. Please ignore the sound issues and the very hung over man fronting this, but hey, no one said me finding a talent would be a pretty thing.

The could be talented Mr.Gaffney

So this life of being work shy, where has it got me? "Take the summer off, that will do nicely, you never know what good T.V. might be on" a not so wise person said to me, well that or I just felt like it, its hard to tell. However no one told me that soon after this the world would come to economic melt down, if I knew that I may have wrote out a C.V. or something before the day after tomorrow happened (Yeah I know in that it was weather but it was that or reference Independence Day and who wouldn't want to that happen in a real life just for a chance to punch an alien and say 'Welcome to earth!' ). So its time to focus, does it this mean hitting jobs.ie like I'm a drunk northsider and its someone who owns a scarf? It might, but thats not my style. A wise man once said that "Everyman should have at least one talent", well I say wise it was Jude Law in a film, but still its a good point. So its time to use my talent, of course here is the tricky part. How does one figure out their talent? Is my talent not having any talent what so ever, and if so how do I harness this power of talented talentlessness into some class of power house that will have me not in underware at 10:45 am only ever putting on pants to head down to spar to buy some breadrolls. I think the best thing to do is take it to the people and let them try to figure out what my talent is.